ghosts (a poem)

I deleted a year’s conversation. It was like tearing up love letters, Such a hard thing to do. To erase the words we shared The questions, unanswered, to be Forgotten.   I will be forgotten I will pass the same  way Removed from memory By one click. It’s so easy to leave me, Like I…

letters which were never intended to be read..(Part Three)

I found this in my phone notes, dated 14th February 2017.  I had forgotten writing it.  I often type things in my mobile notes and every now and then I look back and sometimes I am surprised by what I find.  I wrote it in response to a comment on the Facebook page of a…

NO NAME…if you say a man’s name he is alive

I was once in a relationship with a man who was unable to say or use my name.  He did not have a pet name for me either and so, for example, if I had a phone call and he wanted to call me, he would shout, “HELLO, HELLO, THERE’S A CALL FOR YOU” I…

CANIM

He said he had loved me And that our ending was a ‘Wound’ to his heart To be avenged with angry words. He claims to be over it And yet somehow I know he’s not, For neither am I * Canim means dear, darling, sweetheart, honey etc in Turkish

Letters which were never intended to be read (part Two)

When I was 18 I met someone who played a very important part in my life. He was smart, handsome, modest and, above all, kind.  I was in desperate need of kindness after a difficult childhood.  This is one of the letters I wrote to him. Dear Simon, I don’t know where to begin this…

Letters which were never intended to be read (part one)

“The unexamined life is not worth living”, so said Socrates. How I would love to have a wise ancient in my life to turn to when it all becomes too much. I think I would’ve enjoyed his company; a man who didn’t glaze over or change the subject when you tried to talk about your…

FiVe YeArS aFTeR

You were born Five years after I was broken, And you grew Inside my emptiness   I loved you From day one, I kept busy With your neediness   I held you Close to me, I was scared Of my fearfulness   You grew up The years flew, You were tired Of my sadness  …

Mine are the dark eyes (a poem)

Mine are the dark eyes that will be passed on for centuries telling of my sadness for a hundred generations. This one act of domination will repercuss through the millenia in lives untouched, but knowing. Inheriting the shame but not able to utter its name. Look into the blackness and condemn your blood to endless…

a small poem

I FEED MY DISAPPOINTMENTS WITH SUGAR I DROWN MY SHYNESS WITH PEOPLE I FILL EACH ANXIETY WITH FOOD I STILL MY THOUGHTS WITH SLEEP   I HIDE MY ANGER BEHIND SHADES I KEEP MY LOVE IN A SAFE I MEASURE MY TIME IN WRINKLES I TIE MY MEMORIES WITH RIBBON  

I want to be in love again

I want to be in love again Like I’m young and feel No guilt or shame I want to be in love again Yet love is so far behind I no longer know its language Its looks or signs I want to be in love again Again, I say, like I’ve known it before Or was…

Invisible

They say that women of a certain age become invisible.  It’s true, but what if you have felt invisible ALL your life?  Throughout your ‘beautiful youth’.  I write this not to elicit cries of protest from my friends or to be told how amazing , beautiful, wonderful I am.  I don’t want that.. really!!!  I…

I remember….a poem by me

I remember the smell of those days, Bobotie* thick with foreignness, Janet and John books, so alien in their Englishness. Isolation, separation,others. Trusting no one in this strange land. Assimilation came through friends and boyfriends Their parents not knowing what to make of this strange, “pretty” olive girl. And me not knowing what to make…